This is actually a very recent realization to me. I hadn't realized that I had developed stage fright along the line somewhere. And this is very strange. Why? Because I've been performing on stages for nearly twenty years!
My dear friend ~seifer-sama
suggested to me that maybe because I was a kid I didn't think about things like if I'd look stupid. Whereas now, being an adult, it's a thought that crosses my mind.
And I can say it's been nearly twenty years since my first performance was in 1997! I was seven years old, and today I am twenty three. I think that justifies me to say nearly twenty years!
It actually also seems a bit odd for me to think of just how long I've been doing performances. People think of me performing just in masquerades for conventions, but nope, I've actually been doing performances since I was a little kid.
I have two ballet recitals, two dance shows, and five years of dance competition under my belt. I had a seven year hiatus of doing shows, competitions or other kinds of performances. Which might be wear my stage fright started to develop.
2010 I decided to properly take back to the stage at Otakuthon with my boyfriend ~Raybras
. We entered the masquerade as Rider and Lancer from Fate/stay night. And I have been entering masquerades and costume shows more since then. Believe it or not but it's helped me regain some of my former confidence in myself.
At last year's Fan Expo I decided to take performing seriously again when *CosplayCanada
and I entered the masquerade as Final Form Xemnas (him) and Neo-Organization XIII Roxas (me). Our performance would have gone better if our audio hadn't been fudged. But we are hoping for this year's to go better. But Con-G 2013's paid off when I got the reaction I wanted in my performance for Xemnas. Only a few people expected my lightsabers to come out of my sleeves. I am very happy about how that went - considering that I had been having issues in the green room with them.
But with all this performing experience you would think I don't have any stage fright. Well for some reason it developed. But my last two masquerades it seems to be fading away. While my friend was nervous, I was fine. And surprisingly, even though I was going on stage by myself, all eyes on me... I was okay.
I do wonder where the stage fright developed. But perhaps with me entering masquerades it's helping me get rid of it. I don't know. Sorry for the random musings. I also sort of wanted to get rid of the previous journal entry that was full of anger considering what I'd been receiving.